She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
