1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
