He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
