??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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