I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
