So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize