my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
