why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
