discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
