Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
high people should be assigned attendants
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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