marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
