WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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