the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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