so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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