you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
