we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i will never coherently bang her
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
