I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
