i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
