yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
These tits shall not be calmed
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
