Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
