This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We left the knife in your bed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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