Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
