i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize