I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
