I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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