I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
