Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
