Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
