Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
