my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
