Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You pole danced in your parka.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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