You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
