Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
