Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
