what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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