Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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