Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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