I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
where are you?
Hypothermia
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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