Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
