He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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