You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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