there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She even gives head with a lisp.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
