No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
