Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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