i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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