My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
