dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
