It's just like the Real World with babies
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
