so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
