I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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