i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
