There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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