please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
