How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
