part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My feet surprised me
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
