She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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