dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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