So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize