also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
