So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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