He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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