I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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