chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
