I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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