I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
