I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My dick has a subreddit
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
