Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
