Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
