Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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