I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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